there's this whole emptiness. stephhy feels it too. it's never been a better time than now. we need to move in together.
told stephhy i wont be smokin no more. though i've sorta quit for the 4th time. and decided to try to refrain... he told me to never go back. and i promised. anyways. never got much out of burning my ten bucks away.
i'm screaming into the dark and searching for an answer. where do i go from here.
last thursday and friday were the first days that i felt really good. They set up the tennis booth and volleyball booth for club crawl. i didnt feel at home at the volleyball booth so i went to the tennis booth to look for apple. i felt so much better after seeing her.
it was great. thursday and friday. the tennis booth became my 'favourite hang out palce' in school. apart from my silly places that i go to chill alone when no one's watching.
people made me really happy. and for the first time in so long. i felt i belonged somewhere.
i dont know where i'm headed is it some big mistake
not my comfort zone. i felt really weird at first. but then he offered me a seat. and he made everything so much better. for the first time in a long time.. i felt there was a place for me somewhere. like a place to seek refuge and stuff.
he told me that if i wasnt happy in nyp's team.. maybe i should just let go. and do something that makes me feel better.
i cant believe what i said to him. but i said it. i said. i've been through so much. i'll get through this.
i'm proud i said that. made me feel unbeatable. haha.
training was great today. huiting missed my spiking casue she left so early. =( haha.
thank you. you know who you are. this would'nt be possible if not for you.
