The past few days have been rather different for me. Somethings have changed and i've been thinking a lot. About what my mum always says.

Isnt it funny when you think about your future and you set goals for yourself. You'll for-go anything else that desnt meet your goals. Yet i begin to think.. is what i want truely blinded by what my mother wants for me.

The dreams i have always had of becoming that accurror or that auditor. That paediatrician or that neurologist. Was it all i ever wanted or is something i've always wanted blinded by my mothers wants for her daughter.

Every parents wants the best for his or her child. But when it comes to a point where the child has totally no other dreams except for the dreams the parent has for the child. Then what is life all about. Where is the meaning of the child in this world.

The question: Where do i fit in now?

Hollywood movies. The perfect example of believing yourself. fantasies. happiness. following your heart. finding happiness. following the light. But where does it end?? The hollywood bullshit.

Life is so different from what we dream it to be isnt it. I stopped knowing myself when i listened to my mum. which was from day one isnt it. then are we who we really are or are we merely what our parents are trying to correct of their own lives.

My mum said to my sister and i the other day, that we have to marry high up there. then she continued saying not to be like her and marry someone who wasnt on the same level as her.

True. It was like that. But sometimes i wonder if life is really so unfair. Where option A leads to.. disaster.. and Option B leads to tragedy. Which way are we to choose..

The more i think about it.. i wonder.. Avoid or go into.

Then we really dont have much of a choice do we.

I've made a mistake and now i cant turn back. i can only go on losing hope.

Just me (eLiz)