Today i had totally nothing to do. I woke up at 10am thinking.. shit. another boring day. So i went back to sleep.. till 2. Didnt eat at all.. didnt have any appetite..

Went to bedok to play ball after that. seriously i have a sad life.. vb.. vb.. vb.. and it's not like i rock at it.. at least not anymore.

Been thinking a lot lately.. about everything.. Sun sand sea. hahaa..jk..

So i have listed out the jobs that i wanna do during any hols.. and the places i wanna go.

Jobs
1. Topshop
2. Zoo
3. Admin
4. Volunteer at an orphanage
5. Kindergarten

Places i wanna go
1. Maldives
2. Italy
3. San Fran
4. Vegas
5. Russia
6. New zealand
7. Japan
8. Uk
9. Bintan(wakeboarding)
10. Anywhere you wanna take me

Everyday i wake up thinking it'll be a better day.. hoping that something great will happen..
Maybe it will tomorrow. or i want today to repeat itself tomorrow and forever.

Then you realise that it wont ever happen and what you have is only what you deserve? or what you probably can only afford to have. Someone once told me to step into his life. What if life was really about stepping in and out of things. life is what you make it to be. but it isnt only because the environment is such that you adapt to it's changes.

Changes happen around you. Be it big or small great or minute.it happens

Someday you'd get what i mean. I talked to my mother last night about things she never knew about me. How much i've been through.
She was pretty shock i felt because instead of listening and saying something.. she started crying. My stories were probably too hard for her to handle. haha

Mum i HAVE been through a lot. i'm not the young girl who didnt know anything anymore. I'm not like that anymore. She never knew anything about me until last night. and when she cried it broke my heart.. sympathetic? sorry? happiness?

i dont know what she was thinking.. but i do know this. She is glad. she had a presence of inner happpiness for that moment. At least that moment.

Then i asked her why she didnt trust me. because she was too afraid to let go? or too afraid that something would happen to me? or the fact that this is the result of my siblings mistakes. the mistakes she knows i nvr will make but she is afraid i'd prove her wrong.

She said to me. you're the most obedient. you're the one i love. you're the one i trust.

Letting go.. that phrase.. When i was at topshop. i realised that other people had problems letting go too. even though they were sufferring. Sufferring in silence. Sufferring for the wrong causes. It's stupid but i was truely thankful for wha ti had gone through. Because it was then i felt the pain. I felt what they were going through. and only because i had been there.

So many things to say to everyone so little time to say it all. then you realise you only say the stuff which matters.. and soon it's nothing.. you just keep silent. The awkward silence... The lingering awkward silence........ and you stare into space......


i really hope i deserve someone like you.

You dont know me.. you dont even care..
you dont know me.. you dont carry my chains..
i need sunrise
i'm tired of sunset.
But you dont know me.. you dont even care..
I think i'll go to boston..


hoping you'd come with me..

my boston.

Just me (eLiz)