What if no one was ever there for me? or no one was ever true to me?

The issue of me not being able to heal really got me thinking. I dont wanna be alone for the rest of my life. Was just watching brothers and sisters and figured that i dont wanna be alone like her. I dont want to have relationships that always go down the drain. I dont want to wake up alone everyday thinking about nothing but career and sky rocketting pay.

I wanna live a new life. Live life. We all should live life to it's fullest right. After all we only live once. But how? haha. Fear of the heart is a great weakness someone can have. Because it disables every chance you have left of letting yourself free from the entrapment of the past.

Will i ever be able to say my life is perfect.

I was reading the comments i used to give to yl and i realised there was something really special going on. I dont know if it was ever one sided. I gave him comments that i cant believe i could give anyone. IN LOVE? is that what you call it? He still wanted me back. My friends call it having thick skin after hurting me the way he did he could still think he was worthy of a chance. Somehow something really hurts. Especially when you feel it hit you real hard when you read the past.

Laws of attraction huh.They just blind you and help you fall deeper and deeper in. Soon you cant climb out and when you do, you're free. As a bird. but nothing seems perfect anymore. Something's missing. I DONT miss him. I'M SURE. But i just miss knowing you have someone there. I feel stupid though. because he was never there. I just bottled everything and he felt he was always there. I still feel it. The impact of it all. It still hurts real bad inside. Somehow i dont know how to come out of it. i'm desperately trying to. It just hurts real bad. Especially when you read everything again. I found myself at the webpage talking to my friend about him. Funny how when people ask me about the past and sometimes i cant rmb the foolish things you did, but the things you did that made me smile.

Well i dont want it anymore. I'm throwing it back at you. I think you need it more than i do. I have no regrets but somehow i wish i didnt know anything you did. I wish you didnt tell me. At the same time thank you because it helped me get over you immediately.

I'm broken.

Just me (eLiz)