grandma just got a stroke a couple of days back. so now it's both grandmas that arent doing so well.

Maybe it's just god's way of saying im coming soon and i'm taking the good people away first.

If so then i'm probably not going to die anytime soon. They say you're supposed to be afraid of god and his coming, instead of fearing the dark forces like the devil and stuff. well church probably has achieved it's goal of making me fear god instead of anyone else and his coming.

So why am i so afraid of cockroaches? or is my fear just a reaction to disgust.

after saying all this, i may not feel a thing for people who are in critical condition. but i somehow am i little sad i must say that my other grandma is in hospital. i mean she really is quite a nice person even though she judges a little bit. But hey. dont we all?

i was thinking.. i know i dont want grams to pass away but is it really becasue i have had enough of funerals or because i really love her.

questions flood my mind and all i can still think of is blaming the world for everything. including my own misery.

i mean i do blame certain things on myself.. but god.. dont you think everyone's a little too harsh? Somehow i've had enough of a lot of things and i'm on the verge of becoming someone i'm not. so is this where i fight back? or is this just a test.

test of my resilience.

i wouldnt know would i.


well at least i can thank you for something.

him.


your faithful server. or at least i hope i am considered a little bit.



ps: this is not an emo post it's more of a question

Just me (eLiz)